Monday 31 August 2015

Introducing.......

Morning everybody, hope you are all enjoying the bank holiday weekend.

If you follow me on Instagram or Twitter you will probably have seen the reason why things have been a little quiet over on the blog front this week. After keeping us waiting an extra week Squishy has finally arrived!!!

So without further ado just a little post to introduce our gorgeous baby girl.
Brooke Harper was born on Wednesday 26th August at 05:40pm weighing 8lb 9oz. She is absolutely perfect in every single way and we are utterly besotted! 
We may only been 4 days in but I am absolutely loving being a mummy and already forgotten what life was like without her.


XOXO

Tuesday 25 August 2015

Bump update - 40 weeks

Bump

I can't believe I'm actually writing my 40 week update! I really never thought I'd be getting to this point without Squishy making an appearance & neither did my midwife apparently! Look at the size of the MASSIVE bump....ridiculous! How is she still growing in there? I'm sure we're going to have a 12lb chunk on our hands at this rate.


What have we been up to?

My nan & grandad came up to see us & treated us to a fish & chip lunch which was lovely. I probably hadn't seen them for 6 weeks or so (even longer for G) so it was nice to squeeze a catchup in before baby arrives & everything gets all kinds of crazy!
We spent Saturday at my mum & dads house sunbathing in the garden which is always nice. We had a BBQ & Marley was thoroughly spoilt with food & running around in their big garden which he loves. It's strange thinking that might be the last time we visit my parents as the "three of us" before Squishy arrives. They do only live 5 minutes drive up the road so to be fair if she takes much longer to come it probably won't be the last time I see them at all - I'm quite prone to popping round there for dinner when G is working to save me cooking for 1, especially feeling sorry for myself like I am at the moment.

Weight/Cravings

I had been craving fish & chips so badly for weeks & weeks of my pregnancy but for some reason we never got round to getting it - so that was much appreciated. I'm just starving all the time at the moment and definitely snacking little and often.

Symptoms/Movements

Heartburn seems to be coming back which can't be a good thing - i thought it had eased off because Squishy had dropped so we certainly don't want her moving back up again!

Mood

Actually surprisingly okay. Don't get me wrong I'm impatient now and can't wait to meet our girl but I'm not as moody as the last couple of weeks. I still feel a little harassed and like I want to hibernate from everybody until she arrives but I know it's just because people care and are excited to meet her.

Gender

GIRL

Appointments

40+1: I saw the midwife this afternoon and my blood pressure is still too high considering I'm on medication to control it now so I need to go to the hospital tomorrow morning to be checked again.

40+2: Off to the hospital we went bright & early and of course my blood pressure was fine today. We had a really lovely midwife sit with us and talk us through all the options and what would happen now. Essentially that a doctor would weigh up whether the random peaks in blood pressure that I keep having, toothache & gallstones warrant it being worth inducing Squishy now and are more pressing over the risks of an induced labour. It's basically been decided that at this stage they won't be rushing me in for an induction - which is fine by me. As impatient as we are to meet our baby girl now a maximum of 10 more days before I have to be induced really isn't going to make a difference, we've waited this long - I can do 10 more days! I'm not keen to be induced as I know contractions will be forced therefore more painful & there's more chance of needing an emergency c-section or assisted delivery, all of which can complicate further pregnancies down the line (not that we're planning that far ahead!) and I know it's for the best to let my body go into labour naturally...if it's ever going to happen!
The midwife at the hospital did attempt a sweep but failed because the opening to my cervix isn't quite where it should be yet so it doesn't look like my body's going to be doing anything naturally just yet unfortunately. She did say Squishy's head is ridiculously low so that's a really good sign.

40+6: Had another midwife appointment and she managed a successful sweep today. Everything is as it should be, cervix has thinned right out, is looking favourable and my body is definitely preparing for labour which is all good news. I feel very delicate and manhandled now so am just sitting watching telly & taking it easy this evening. Fingers crossed something will start happening over the next 48hrs or so!

Shopping

Nothing new for bubba - she is well and truly kitted out for life I think. G's mum bought me these gorgeous flowers on my due date to cheer me up which I thought was the sweetest thing!


Labour signs?

For the rest of the day since the midwife at the hospital attempted a sweep I have got more aches, pains & my bump feels more tense....next day all signs gone!
Since my second successful sweep I feel really really delicate. My stomach muscles feel like I've done 8000 sit-ups & I've got constant period pains - fingers crossed this is the start of something.
Plus I had more show this morning so that's got to be good right?

Are you around the 40 week pregnant mark? I'd love to hear from other August mummy-to-be's.
If you're enjoying our pregnancy updates I'd love you to follow our story either here or on Bloglovin'
XOXO

Wednesday 19 August 2015

DDD (Due Date Disappointment)

So here I am sitting on the sofa, Marley on my lap, G to my side, at 9.30pm on the eve of Squishy's due date with absolutely, definitely no baby!! ...and I can't help but be so so disappointed which I know is ridiculous.



When you find out you are expecting a baby they work out your estimated due date based on your last period, the date we were given was 16th August and then when we went for our 12 week scan they can give a more accurate due date based on the baby's measurements and from then on Wednesday 19th August 2015 was our date. Our date when we could expect our baby should be sitting here with us...except she's not! 

I know it's by no means a guarantee and there's nothing anybody else can do about it - Squishy will of course come when she's good & ready and not a minute before but at the same time it's impossible not to build this date up in your mind and pin all your hopes on it. For all these weeks and months it's the only date you've had to go by and the big day you've been counting down to.
Baby's will be late. And that's all there is to it, especially first baby's - it's really not uncommon at all. Something like 80-90% of first baby's are late and only a teensy 4% come on their actual due date so I really have no idea why I'm surprised at all. I guess we just hoped we'd be one of the lucky ones to meet our baby on time.

I'm so so grateful to have had an amazing pregnancy with no real negative symptoms or most importantly complications. So far Squishy is looking happy and healthy in my belly and is obviously just too comfy to come out anytime soon. I'm so grateful not to be experiencing the other end of the spectrum, a premature baby which would have been such a worry I'm sure so I would definitely prefer things to have worked out like this but with both myself and G coming 2 weeks early we couldn't help but get our hopes up that Squishy just might do the same.
We know now it is literally a matter of time, 10 days absolutely max and they will be forcing her out i.e inducing me (not just randomly smoking her out or anything sinister like that! haha). Yet it still doesn't make the waiting any easier.

Me and Daddy are dying to meet you now baby girl so pleeeease hurry up and make an appearance.

Did you go overdue with your first baby? I'd love to hear how your story ended?
XOXO

Tuesday 18 August 2015

Bump update - 39 weeks

Bump



I don't think bump's grown anymore but my belly has been super itchy & come up in a little rash the last few days so my skin must still be stretching. Squishy has dropped slightly which is making life more comfortable for me but not enough to make us think she's on her way anytime soon.


What have we been up to?

This week has mostly consisted of waiting around for a baby to arrive...which is just as soul destroying as watching & waiting for the kettle to boil! G has been busy with work which means I've been busy on my own at home. Me & Marley hid from the thunderstorms one day and spent the next day running errands like a crazy person & rushing around in the hot weather so it really has been a random week.
We've been playing along with all the olds wives tales this week, I'm sure they are doing absolutely nothing but it doesn't hurt to try right? I've had lots of pineapple (both fruit & juice), a much hotter than usual for me curry, raspberry leaf tea and capsules, long walks, bouncing on my birthing ball etc.. but nothing seems to be getting this girl moving - she's clearly very comfy!

Weight/Cravings

More ice cream - would you expect anything else by this point?

Symptoms/Movement

Nothing new to report at this late stage really. I know I'm lucky to only have a few, not very bad, stretchmarks but they've definitely been getting worse and more have been coming.
My belly button has officially definitely gone which is so weird!! I'm really hoping it comes back again soon.

Mood

Crazy impatient!!!! It feels like everybody around me is having their baby before me which is making me sad :( everybody I know seems to know someone who's had their baby this week - and why they feel the need to keep telling me I have no idea!!
I know my friends and family all mean well but it is driving me absolutely up the wall being asked "is she here yet?" 30x a day. Do they really think it's likely that I've had the baby and just forgotten to mention it? Seriously annoying!!
I'm in a lot of pain with my poorly tooth that needs to come out but the dentist won't do it until after Squishy is here now so that's really getting me down. I'm up most of the night, most nights in a LOT of pain which isn't fun at all! They've given me two different types of antibiotics now but nothing seems to be helping the pain at all and paracetamol doesn't even touch the sides. So frustrating because I've been so lucky and baby hasn't disrupted my sleep at all - typical that I'm suffering with something else instead!

Gender

Girl

Appointments
I've just seen Karen this morning (39+6) and still no sign of Squishy :( my blood pressure has gone up again slightly which is a little concerning but she was happy that I didn't need to be rushed to the hospital this time as I don't have any other pre eclampsia symptoms. I need to get checked again on Thursday (40+1) and if it's high again then they will send me in for more tests. If nothing's happening by then the midwife on Thursday should be able to do a sweep for me, if not that will definitely be next Tuesday. To be honest I've not heard great things about a sweep, I know it's meant to hurt and obviously isn't even proven to work but I'm open to try anything at this point.

Shopping

One of my lovely friends who missed my baby shower popped in some lovely gifts for us over the weekend. Some little outfits in size 12-18months, which as ridiculous as it sounds are so appreciated because we have so many small clothes now. That an experienced mummy for you!! Haha

Labour signs?

I think my plug/bloody show has definitely been leaking slowly this week. I was expecting a big blobby mess but seem to just be getting a trickle every time I go to the toilet.
I've had a few sharp twinges/pains a couple of times, enough to make me sit up & take notice but nothing that's continued or got worse so sadly doesn't seem like labour is happening anytime soon!

I'd really love this to be my last bump update but we'll see! Are you around the 39 week pregnant mark? I'd love to hear from other August mummy-to-be's.
If you're enjoying our pregnancy updates I'd love you to follow our story either here or on Bloglovin'
XOXO

5 things I love about being pregnant

Something a little bit different today but I thought it would be nice to look back and remember that overall I've actually had a lovely, smooth, enjoyable pregnancy because now I've reached this fed up/aches and pains stage it's definitely getting harder to remember that.

1. Showing off my belly
As somebody who has always been super conscious of my weight and carried far more extra pounds around my belly than I should, it's been so refreshing and made such a nice change feeling confident with my body.
I normally spend my whole life hiding my tummy behind baggy clothes (it's definitely my problem area) so it's been really nice not to worry about it for a change and to wear tight fitting things to show off my belly for a change.

2. Eating what I like....within reason
Again because I was overweight pre-pregnancy I try to be quite conscious of what I eat and definitely feel guilty if I'm too naughty. It has been nice to relax and eat whatever I like, within reason of course. I definitely found myself fancying naughty sweet foods, chocolate, ice cream, popcorn while I've been pregnant and I've just enjoyed letting myself have what I fancy. I haven't gone crazy and definitely haven't been eating for two, as such but I haven't worried about it which has been nice.
I'm trying not to obsess over it too much but with two weeks to go I have gained 18lbs total which I don't think is too bad. I always said if I could gain between a stone and a stone & a half throughout my pregnancy I would be happy and it looks like I'll go a teeny bit over but I'm happy with that.

3. Hearing Squishy's heartbeat & seeing her at ultrasounds 
There's just no words to explain how amazing this is! The first time is definitely bizarre & im still not sure I fully make the connection between what we can see & hear actually being inside me but it's incredible all the same. Plus it's lovely to have reassurance that everything is okay because a lot of the time, especially early on before you can feel any movements, you really have no idea what's going on in there.

4. Baby shopping
For sure one of the things I have enjoyed the most! I've always enjoyed buying baby things anyway, obviously for friends and family in the past with Squishy being our first, but it's definitely all that more exciting when you're buying for your own baby - especially the first one!! There's something about little things, all so cute and small, I actually can't resist! I've physically had to stop myself looking in the shops anymore because I just want to buy everything! It's doesn't matter if we need it (or have the money for it for that matter!), if it's cute I must buy it! 
O U T  O F  C O N T R O L

5. Feeling Squishy in my tummy
Now I've definitely had a love/hate relationship with this aspect of pregnancy but I think overall I am going to miss feeling Squishy move in my belly. I definitely look back on the last 20 weeks of baby movements with more fond memories than moments where I was grossed out. You can read my previous thoughts on the little alien in my belly here!
Occasionally and around the time I wrote that post I was feeling gigantic movements across my stomach which I can only assume was Squishy actually fully turning 180 degrees around and it definitely did freak me out. I'm quite small and the whole way through my pregnancy there hasn't really been much room anywhere torso wise. From very early on Squishy has been wedged with her head engaged and very low and her feet right up & stretched out under my left ribs and she literally can't move! There's nowhere for her to go and as she's grown the movements have obviously had to change accordingly.
Even though Squishy is at her biggest now, the size of a watermelon & possibly already weighing 7-8lbs we're back to small ish movements, flutters and kicks because she is so restricted for space. All of which I love feeling! 
She wiggles away and I like to give her a rub or her daddy pats away & we talk to her all the time. Those are the moments I'll miss.....the alien ones, not so much!

What have you enjoyed about being pregnant? I'd love to hear from you
XOXO

Saturday 15 August 2015

Pawsomebox Review

A couple of months ago I came across the Pawsomebox online. It is basically a monthly subscription box...think Glossybox, Birchbox...but for your pets!
The Pawsomebox is created with dogs and puppies in mind and the Puuurfectbox is for cats or kittens. You simply sign up to the subscription service and each month your pet receives a box full of goodies in the post. Each box contains 5 or 6 items specially suited to your pets age and size worth over £30.



Marley is our King Charles spaniel puppy...well I say puppy, he'll be 2 in December but definitely still acts like a puppy. He literally sees this box come through from the postman in the morning and gets SO excited! It's near on impossible to get a photo of him with the products in tact because he wants to get his nose into everything and try all his new treats.



This months box was the July "Hello Summer" box and Marley got 6 items.

- multi vitamin dog paste
- a Georplast bone toy
- a travel pop-up bowl
- a Petbland cuddly plush toy
- crunchy chicken treats
- Mutt & Jeff treats


To be honest none of those are brands I am familiar with but we love every single product and will be using them all the time. I think the variety of different items in each box is good and there's plenty to keep Marley entertained and out of trouble for a little while at least!

We actually managed to take advantage of a free trial period that Pawsome were offering back in May meaning that our first box was free to try and we only paid £2.95 postage so without a doubt we got a bargain! We did however have some problems with the postage and our box took much longer to reach us than it should have resulting in the lovely people at Pawsome gifting us another box for free....but sadly again this one went awol in the post and took a long time and me chasing it up to reach us which is a shame.

Monthly subscription to the Pawsomebox is £19.90, but if you commit for a longer period of time you get discounts. I do definitely think the products that you receive each month are worth the amount you pay and I think we will look into signing Marley up in the future but unfortunately, along with many other things, we just can't justify an extra expense while I'm on maternity at the moment.

For more information head over to www.pawsomebox.co.uk

Do you have any pets? I'd love to hear all about them and see some cute pictures
XOXO

Tuesday 11 August 2015

Bump update - 38 weeks

Bump

Bump has dropped slightly this week which is a relief for the heartburn. I can finally sleep at night without having to wake up & take Rennie's. Squishy's head is very very low and feeling pretty uncomfortable now. My midwife doesn't think she's going to be a big baby, just that she's very cramped & curled up which is making my belly SO hard.


What have we been up to?

Today I'm just catching up with my friend Becky and her two boys. It's nice to be able to see them as it's the school holidays. I woke up this morning exhausted and thought about cancelling but I'm really pushing myself to try and stay active & busy everyday to encourage baby along now. I've been taking Marley for lots of dog walks to try and keep active but I do get tired out really really quickly. He looks at me like I'm crazy when we have to go home already or stop for a rest on a bench.
We had a busy day on Friday running around trying to get some valuations for my car - unfortunately I have a two-seater convertible so even though realistically we're keeping it until Squishy has arrived now to make sure we can get to the hospital okay, the three of us won't be able to leave the hospital in it as there physically no backseat so it has to go at some point soon.

Weight/Cravings

I officially demolished all the ice cream that we had in the freezer! Oooooops!

Symptoms/Movement

Thankfully as I said heartburn has calmed down a little. I've gone from having to make sure I don't take over the recommended 10 Rennie's a day (it was that bad!) to maybe just 1 or 2 a day now. I definitely need the toilet more now Squishy has dropped a little and I've been feeling way more exhausted than in recent weeks.

Mood

Good this week. I've gone from being a little anxious and pretty convinced they'd be inducing me early to quite calm now. It panics me not knowing how or when I'll be going into labour but there's not a lot I can do about that.

Gender

Girl

Appointments

I went to see Karen this morning (38 + 1) and thankfully everything is looking really good now. My blood pressure has come right down since being on medication and there were no traces of protein in my wee so it's just a waiting game for everything to kick off naturally now. 
I had another midwife appointment yesterday (38 + 6) and all my obs are still coming back fine. Blood pressure is staying down nicely now so no more trips to the hospital for us!

Shopping

Even though we've technically already got one, I couldn't resist picking up another baby book. This one from the brand Pepper Pot is so so cute, goes perfectly with all our elephant themed stuff and is much more baby focussed. Whereas the book we already has the largest section for just your pregnancy, so large in fact that I am seriously behind with filling it in!!



Labour signs?

Lots more period type pains, lightening pain and I keep having dreams that my waters break so hopefully that's a subconscious sign! Haha 
The last few days I've been convinced that something is going to happen and having loads of twinges but it never does...it's so disappointing!

Are you around the 38 week pregnant mark? I'd love to hear from other August mummy-to-be's.
If you're enjoying our pregnancy updates I'd love you to follow our story either here or on Bloglovin'
XOXO

Thursday 6 August 2015

Bump update - 37 weeks

Bump



FULL TERM.....we're actually finally FULL TERM! I honestly never thought we'd get to this point. The whole way through my pregnancy this has been the milestone that I was the most anxious to meet and most excited for. If Squishy was to arrive anytime from now onwards she most probably wouldn't need any extra medical assistance. The theory is she is all cooked now and just gaining weight for the remaining time in my tummy! Eeeeek! She officially wouldn't be considered a premature baby anymore which is obviously an amazing relief and I definitely feel like we can relax a little now.

What have we been up to?

This week we've had a visit from the health visitor, another trip to the hospital - resulting in an unexpected overnight stay, hopefully dinner with our friends Lloyd & Gemma tonight (if I ever make it home from the hospital), hopefully we're going to squeeze in a spot of car shopping AND a haircut for Marley so all in all a pretty busy week for us.

Weight/Cravings?

I'm seriously upset even writing this down but my weight is currently fifteen stone and one pound! Fifteen!!!! Good god that is seriously depressing! I've actually lost a pound since I last weighed myself so my total weight gain is 18lbs now.
I reeeeallly craved a McDonalds one day so let myself have that and be a bit naughty - yet I wonder why I'm weighing over fifteen stone! Need . To . Get . A . Grip!!!!
I discovered their new Chocolate Chip Ice Frappe drink which is a-ma-ZING and I'm sure I'm going to be drinking lots more of these over the next few weeks!

Symptoms/Movement

This week I've been having serious blood pressure issues which they've finally given me medication for. I think I might do another separate post on my overnight stay in hospital and just how dangerous high blood pressure (hypertension) can be during pregnancy because it's important to be aware of it. 
I'm feeling constantly like I have an upset belly & toilet movements aren't very fun - sorry TMI I know. 
On Monday I had a really funny turn. I was feeling crazy hot, all flustered and light headed and had to run out of Pets at Home to throw up everywhere - not my finest moment! If it had carried on for long I would have rung triage and gone in the be looked at but luckily I felt fine again pretty quickly.
Movements have definitely picked up again which I'm grateful for because now I'm having other problems it's the one thing keeping me reassured that Squishy is definitely okay in there.

Mood

All over the place to be honest. I constantly have a TONNE of different emotions going on in my head. Excited, scared, nervous, anxious, so crazy happy. My brains on its own little rollercoaster ride I tell you! When they first mentioned keeping me in hospital overnight I was really scared but I've definitely come to realise it's the best place to be and if they think it's necessary it must be. Keeping Squishy safe is the main thing and if they end up inducing me which has been mentioned it won't be a bad thing.

Gender

GIRL

Appointments

I came back to the hospital on Friday to have my blood pressure and urine checked again. It had gone up yet again and there was a trace of protein in my urine so they decided it was best to keep me overnight.
All is okay and I'm actually just sitting here waiting to be discharged now. Squishy is perfectly happy, moving like normal and at no stage has shown any signs of stress which I am so happy about. My bloods and urine are normal and not showing any trace of protein so they don't think pre eclampsia is developing at this stage but my blood pressure is still too high and I've been put on medication to keep it under control. I now have to have it checked at least once a week (next midwife appointment is Tuesday 37+6) and if it continues to rise even with the medication then they will look to induce me. So possibly Squishy might make an appearance sooner than we were expecting!

Update: I went for my midwife appointment yesterday (37 + 6) and my blood pressure medication is working well and keeping it down where it should be which is amazing news. I've never been so happy to get to go home again after an appointment rather than being sent to the hospital for more tests which has happened at my last 4 appointments.

Shopping

Today was payday - hopefully the last one before Squish is with us so I ordered a couple of last minute bits. A nursing pillow, baby milestone cards (essential for photos obvs!), raspberry leaf tea capsules to hopefully get things moving soon, some clips for the pram so I can hang shopping bags off the handle bars, some wall brackets to strengthen the shelves in her nursery and this adorable little plaque/sign for her room...


I also want to get my hands on a similar one saying "Sugar & Spice and Everything Nice, That's what little girls are made of" but I can't remember where I saw it and haven't come across one since!
Boring but I also picked up some Infacol when I was at the supermarket today. Not that I'm wishing for a colicky baby of course but I thought it wouldn't hurt to have some in the house and be prepared just in case - plus it was on offer and cheap.

Labour signs?

Again I've been having lots and lots of pretty constant period pain in my back. Lots of lightning pains down below, it really does feel like Squishy is just going to fall out when I stand up sometimes. Hot water bottles are helping but I feel pretty rotten.

Are you around the 37 week pregnant mark? I'd love to hear from other August mummy-to-be's.
If you're enjoying our pregnancy updates I'd love you to follow our story either here or on Bloglovin'
XOXO

Monday 3 August 2015

High Blood Pressure in Pregnancy

If you follow me on Twitter or have seen my 36/37 week bump updates then you may have seen I was admitted to hospital for the night this week.


I'm currently suffering with high blood pressure in pregnancy (gestational hypertension) which effects an astounding 1 in 10 pregnant women.
This basically means that my heart is having to work extra hard to pump blood around the body to Squishy and I, and putting my body under extra stress and strain.
If my blood pressure is still high during labour I would have to be constantly monitored and possibly need help to deliver because it would be safer to keep labour as short as possible. I've also been told an epidural would be highly recommended to me as that can help lower blood pressure during labour but is something I'm hoping to avoid if possible.

Gestational hypertension typically develops after 20 weeks (before then it is likely that you had high blood pressure problems before falling pregnant) and the longer it goes on for the more dangerous it can be - possibly resulting in pre eclampsia which is a whole other story and can be very dangerous and potential fatal for mum and baby if left untreated.

I'm sure most of you are familiar with a standard blood pressure reading? Well it's the second/bottom (diastolic) number that seems to be my problem and is rocketing at over 110 - a normal reading would be 70-80. Pretty much any reading over 100 is a serious concern and something they would look to give you medication to control but because my blood pressure is very up and down and goes back down very quickly again they have held off until this point because I was on the borderline of concern if you like?

I must say my hospital don't seem to be the best at keeping me informed or explaining what is happening and why, which definitely worries me. I'm learning to ask more questions and make sure I feel completely informed now which has helped my anxiety a lot. All the midwives, care assistants and consultants that have looked after us have been absolutely lovely and more than happy to help with anything we needed.
They checked my blood pressure every 4hrs overnight to ensure it was going down now they have given me medication, took regular urine and blood samples and kept checking my pulse and temperature. They would regularly hook me up to the machine to monitor Squishy's heartbeat which was the most reassuring thing. Everything else is normal and my blood pressure has come under control so I'm allowed to go home.


I'm quite relieved to finally have some medication to help with this because for the last 4 weeks every time I see the midwife we go through the same process of my blood pressure being high, getting sent to the hospital for further tests, blood pressure goes down again, they send me home - so I feel like I'm being constantly passed from pillar to post with no real solution or answers.
Fingers crossed everything will calm down now and with the medication as long as my blood pressure stays within the healthy range the doctors are happy for me to go full term (or later). Worst case scenario is that my blood pressure will keep going up, even with the medication, and if that happens they will look to induce me but the doctor has said he'd be happier if I got to 38 weeks (so 4 more days from now!)

Have you experienced any problems with blood pressure during pregnancy? I'd love to hear about it & what the outcome was
XOXO